HELP!

I am currently living a period of great confusion, upheaval and turmoil. I want to turn my life around... But I need help.

I need a job, I need a change of scenery, I need to get out of this rut, if anyone has anything to offer anywhere in the world... (somewhere glamorous in the US preferably - or maybe Tokyo!) please e-mail me.
I consider myself to be creative, trustworthy, precise, intelligent, dutiful, reliable, something of a perfectionist, thoughtful and considerate.
Here's what I can do (also read my RÉSUMÉ here):


My dream would be to become a PROFESSIONAL FEMALE IMPERSONATOR or FEMALE ILLUSIONIST - I can sing a little, if anyone wants to give me a chance... Any pageant organizers, would-be sponsors...?
Also anyone that can help me get my act together... dress-makers, make-up artists, dancers? Philantropists?? Help me start my career... I need a mentor, a guide...
I'm very serious, I think I have what it takes to be a professional showgirl entertainer, try me!
Can you make my dream come true?

I could be a T-model, if there is call for such a thing! (no full nudity!)

I am perfectly bilingual (English + Italian) so I can teach English and/or Italian. I can also translate perfectly to and from English and Italian...

I'm pretty good with Photoshop, I can do montages and things.

I can draw decently enough, comic books and manga style.

I don't dance particularly well, but I move sexily and can learn and be a club dancer (t-)girl.

I write quite well and I'm an expert on popular culture of the last 40 years, especially music, but also movies etc, so I could be a free-lance journalist for magazines or websites or something, writing reviews, etc.

As I made this site entirely witn Notepad, I guess I could work doing data entry...

At worse, I can be a bondage dominatrix... or a bondage model... or a high-class escort t-girl?? (but no sex!)
Well, maybe after I've had a nose job and laser for the beard...

Other suggestions are welcome... cheerleader? Bunny girl? Airline assistant? Housewife?? Now I'm kidding but I'm pretty serious about trying to change my life around. So please help me if you can. Serious enquries only at this e-mail please:

sarahmorgan73@yahoo.com